Lately, the Rock Band Zine has been full of stories from Rock Band Nights at ImprovBoston — a once-monthly event where Harmonix staffers emerge from their cubicles to judge Rock Band performances at a local theater. (The third Thursday of the month, apparently. Hey! That’s tonight!) From all reports, the events are positively ridiculous, featuring drunken debauchery, performances both sublime and horrific, and inappropriate pelvic thrusting.

Most recently, four of the judges posted their hints for scoring well and earning a chance to leave with the night’s top prize. (Which, according to this earlier report, is “something like the Robert Townsend classic Meteor Man on VHS and a pack of gum.”) The hints include such important suggestions as “Score / difficulty is almost entirely irrelevant.  I’d rather see someone play on Medium and rock their asses off on stage and end up with a 75% than have them play on Expert and look like a stiff while trying to 100% a solo” and “regardless of where your competition takes place, there is a 99% chance that you have a super hairy dude in your band; let him flaunt his manly chest.”

Though the hints are meant to be used in any performance context (like your local Rock Band Bar Night), more than a couple are focused specifically on earning the love of Harmonix judges in particular. Unless you’re in Boston, those may not help you — but take a look at the video after the break and you may find yourself willing to make the trip.